I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
