I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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