Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
