Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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