you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
