literally had 100 drinks last night.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
