I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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