I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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