I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
