The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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