I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
