just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
