just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
