My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize