Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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