i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
