OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
