Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
