I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
