3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
