My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
