youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
