why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
