Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
