I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
