dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
