Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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