did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
