Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
