Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
