Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
