They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
