Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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