You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
