so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I will be naked everywhere
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
