is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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