So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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