New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
