we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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