I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
