I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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