so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
