chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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