omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
