I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
