If that was your dad, he is hot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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