Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
