This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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