If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
