Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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