I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
